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Blonde jokes

Collection of maybe the funnies Blonde jokes in internet.

A blonde, wanting to earn some money

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

“Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?” The blonde said, “How about 50 dollars?” The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man’s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, “Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?” The man replied, “She should. She was standing on the porch.”

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. “You’re finished already?” he asked. “Yes,” the blonde answered, “and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. “Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. “And by the way,” the blonde added, “that’s not a Porch, it’s a Ferrari.”

A brunette, red-head and a blonde were sentenced

A brunette, red-head and a blonde were sentenced to death and are all about to be killed by a firing squad.

The brunette is first to face the firing squad. The firing squad ready themselves, “READY, AIM -“”TSUNAMI!” the brunette screams. The firing squad look around for the tsunami and sea nothing (geddit…?). In that brief moment, the brunette had managed to escape her peril.

The red-head is next in line. The firing squad begins, “READY, AIM -” “TORNADO!” The red-head yells. The firing squad twist their heads around in a panic, to find no tornado and…no red-head. She too had escaped.

Finally, it was the blondes turn. The firing squad prepared themselves, “READY, AIM-” “FIRE!” Yelled the blonde.

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, “Awwww, I wish my friends were here.”

English, French, Blonde and a brunette

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde and a homely brunette are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps. Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek.

The brunette thinks ‘I bet that dirty Frenchman fondled the blonde and she struck the pervert.’

The blonde thinks ‘I bet that filthy Frenchman was looking to grope me in the dark, mistook the dowdy brunette for me and she slapped the beast.’

The Frenchman thinks ‘I bet that perfidious Englishman touched up the blonde in the dark and she slapped me by mistake.’

The Englishman thinks ‘I can’t wait for another tunnel so I can slap that French twat again.’

Two blondes are driving

Two blondes are driving by a field when they notice a third blonde out in the middle of it, in a boat, rowing. The blonde driving points at her says, “See that’s the reason everyone thinks we’re so stupid, because of girls like her.”

And the blonde in the passenger seat replies, “yeah, if I could swim, I’d go out there and give her a piece of my mind.

There was a competition to swim

There was a competition to swim from Santa Monica to Catalina doing only the breaststroke. Three women signed up for the race — a Blonde, a Redhead, and a Brunette.

After approximately 14 hours, the Blonde staggered up onto the shore and was declared the fastest breaststroker.

About 40 minutes later, the Redhead crawled onto the beach in second place.

Nearly 4 hours later, the Brunette finally stumbled ashore and collapsed in front of the worried crowd. Several journalists surrounded her and asked why it had taken so long for her to finish the race.

“Well, I don’t want to sound like a sore loser,” she said. “But I’m pretty sure those two other girls were using their arms.”